New Orleans History -- Lake Pontchartrain
Wednesday, December 08, 2021
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Lake Pontchartrain Monster

Does anyone know if Lake Ponchartrain has a mascot monster like Loche Ness? If not, let's make one up, it can do nothing but improve our economy. Please submit your pet name for our lake monster.
Renard the Gar aka Renard le Gar

It's my recollection that gar were plentiful in the City Park lagoons at one time. Surely Lake Pontchartrain has gars that are much bigger. You know, gars are scavengers and bottom feeders, and very ugly and menacing.

Maybe Renard has grown very fat from the pollution and garbage in the lake, eh, mamman?
Renard has cleaned up the lake, that's why he's so fat and menacing. All his cousins and children have also been slurping our garbage to make the water safe for swimming. Be careful Renard doesn't eat your toes, cher!

Lorraine of Pontchartrain

Now, what we need to do is contact one of those B movie horror flick companies to crank out a "Ponchy the Gar that Ate New Orleans" horror flick. Lets see now, he could be a Gar fish that has been subjected to some melted water from the old ice house. It could have some of those bad amateur camera shots like Blair Witch in it but not too much. I know! Let's names some stars who will act in our film.
John Goodman

He will play the well meaning but somewhat cluless sheriff that gets killed within the first hour of the movie. It's a monster movie requirement.

How about John Goodman as the Coast Guard Commander in charge of making the lake safe. He sends patrols out to capture Renard le Gar. He also owns his own private yacht and a lifetime membership at the SYC. Instead of carrying out his duties, he carouses around with prominent debutantes while partying aboard his yacht in West End Harbor.
Richard Simmons

Richard Simmons, his Lieutenant, assumes command when Goodman is tried and found guilty of dereliction of duty and conduct unbecoming, during a wild party.
Al C. the chicken king

Al could be in the movie. Hell, we could use footage from the wedding and save some money. I know! He could come to the aid of Richard S. with a Jet powered racing boat. How exciting our movie is becomming.
Renard had been spotted several times the previous week by kids playing hooky from Ben Franklin High, but the Coast Guard did not act upon the 911 calls, since the commander was too drunk to read his messages.

And Renard still lives today, terrorizing every boater and swimmer in all of Lac du Pontchartrain.